So for the most part, this time was no different, cried with every move our doctor made, cried with her shot, and here is where the worst part comes in. They needed to draw some blood to check some of her levels on things so sent us down to the lab. Now I was thinking as little as she was it would just be a finger stick, at least that's how I remember it as a kid. And you would think as a nurse I would realize that going down to the lab meant way more than a finger stick, but it didn't hit me that they would be drawing blood out of my sweet baby's arm until we sat down in the chair with the arm board. Now I don't do well with getting my own blood drawn so I was freaking out inside thinking they were going to stick my baby. I felt so helpless and even though I knew that it was necessary to have these levels drawn I wanted to grab her and run. I could feel my heart racing and my palms were sweating and it only got worse from there. I had to hold Emma's legs between my legs and hold her other arm down while one nurse held the arm down they were sticking and the other nurse drew the blood. Emma was crying like I have never heard her cry. She was fighting me so bad that it took all my strength to hold her down. She was sweating all over, I was crying right along with her, and all I could think was how I was holding my child down letting her feel pain. This isn't right! I'm her mother, I'm supposed to protect her, to keep her from getting hurt, and to comfort her when she does. Yet in that moment, I could do none of these.
It was such a traumatic experience for both of us that afterwards we went to Sonic for a banana milkshake, which made things all better :) As we we sitting there, both of us recovering from the past hour, I kept replaying everything in my mind and the tears came pouring out again. As a mother, to watch your child in that much distress is one of the absolute worst feelings I have ever experienced. I could not handle watching Emma have a small needle stuck in to her arm and yet I started thinking. God watched as nails were driven into is Son's hands and feet. He watched as he was beaten and ridiculed. He watched as a crown of thorns was driven into his head. And ultimately he watched him die. Just like me, he could do nothing but watch so that each of us could live. And to think he would have done it if it would have just been one person he was saving. It is a concept that I have always known but never grasped on the level I did today. Emma is my whole world, and I could not even fathom allowing these things to happen to her. But God did. He loves us all SO much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice. I can't even find the words ...Absolutely amazing...
Your aweful event reminded me of all of Keara's testing starting when she was 7 months with an allergist who utilized the scratch testing on her back. AWEFUL. And I cried. She had multiple lab visits, the last which included a papoos and 4 lab techs while I stood across the hall in a panic attack. The GOOD news: it only takes one positive visit to wipe away the bad memories for a child :) We confirmed that!
ReplyDeleteAfter our appointment last week I just didn't have the heart (or the energy) to go get the lab work done, but I am dreading it. Cohen has had to have blood drawn before and it is so awful.
ReplyDeleteBut you are so right. I have never really thought about the pain that the Father went through as he watched Christ suffer and die but that is a truth we must never forget and constantly remind ourselves of. I will definitely be thinking about that when I take the kiddos to the lab! Thank you for being wonderful, beautiful you. :)
Miss you friend! <3